Yucky:  that about sums it up.  My brother posted a comment recently on another site that dissed coffee.  He was writing in jest, but there is, of course, truth in every jest.  For example, if I responded with “Oh, brother, but you smoke cigarettes, you dipshit,” then he may know that I am kidding when I call him a dipshit, but then again there is some truth in there.

I mean, smoking defies all logic.  It stinks, it makes you look bad, it stains things (even your fingers for god’s sake), and it makes you die sooner than you might in horrible and tragic suffering.  Who would take that on?  Smoking is committing suicide, only slowly.  I understand that there is some minor jolt that comes from nicotine.  The search for that jolt makes some sense to me.  But the price seems a little high to me.

It is obvious to me that smoking is addictive when people will pay $50.00 for a carton of cigarettes.  I am trying to limit what I spend money on.  Cutting out cigarettes would be a no-brainer if I spent that much cash on something I don’t need.  Here is an interesting article from MSN Money that discusses the high costs of smoking beyond the direct purchase cost, including higher insurance costs, lower resale values for cars and homes, lower incomes, and loss of benefits from premature death.

Plus, when you get right down to it, they are just plain yucky.  And I don’t mean that in the good sense of the word yucky.  OK, coffee is yucky, too.  Both can stain your teeth and give you bad breath.  Both can give you a buzz.  But at least coffee doesn’t ruin the drapes or increase your drycleaning costs.  And some even say that coffee has some health benefits.  No one says that about cigarettes.

So, brother, I don’t mean to say that you are a dipshit overall.  You are a smart, sometimes witty, charming fellow.  And I love you.  That makes it especially hard for me knowing that you puff up the cancer sticks every day.  I have been an unfortunate witness to lung cancer.  Believe me, you don’t want that.  And if you make me witness it again, I will kick your pain-wracked ass right up through those blistered and blackened lungs of yours.

And if you get this message, tell your sister to cut it out as well.  I know I can’t use reasoning to talk anyone out of smoking.  There is no reasoning behind doing something that has such a high price not just for oneself but for the people one cares about.  But think about something for me.  Do you really want your tombstone inscribed with something like this below your name?:

19**-20**

Son, brother, father, maestro of Thanksgiving stuffing

Love and missed by many

R.I.P. Dipshit

And don’t think I won’t do it.