Category Archives: work

Feeling Alive

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At the moment, my son is driving his toy cars off an old board onto the frozen lawn.  The sun is shining.  His down jacket is unzipped.  His pant cuffs are soaked through.  He is, although not consciously, supremely happy.  Watching him makes me so as well.

Today I had a meeting in town.  I rode my bike to get there.  I should ride my bike more often, or so I have told myself many times.  Doing so today made me realize that I have been right.  I rode only about three miles each way–not far–but I felt great.  On the way in, the temperature was in the twenties.  Leavensworth Road, my route to avoid traffic, was frozen.  It was so frozen in a couple of spots that I had to walk.  I felt the cold, the wind, my muscles moving.  I felt alive.

It seems so simple:  I take a little more time to ride rather than drive and I feel so much better.  The only disadvantage to biking is that it takes more time.  Most of the time that isn’t even a disadvantage.  As long as I have the time to take, it is worth it.  The ride home was muddy.  Leavensworth Road had thawed out.  I got a little splattered but I had fun, I got a bit tired and I smelled the world rather than just zipped by it.  I need to do that more often.

On Saturday I stood in front of 400 people and presented a bunch of information about paying for college.  I had planned for it and I had been looking forward to it.  Five minutes before start time I realized that I felt a little nervous;  not much, but enough that I forgot to introduce myself.  Other than that it went well.  I think I provided enough information in a way that worked for most people.  Driving home (too far to bike that day), I felt great.

I realized that the positive feeling came from my pushing myself.  That was the largest crowd to which I had presented, and the topic is one that those present feel is important, even have anxiety over, so I took some risks.  I took a risk even volunteering to do it.  Because I took risks, however, because I stepped outside my comfort zone, the reward was high enough to make me feel pretty good.

I need to take on these challenges more frequently.  I need to take risks, to push myself, to try new things.  A lesson for me, one I have learned more than a few times, is that I need to simply step forward and try.  When opportunites come my way that seem intimidating, I need to say yes.  It is easy to stay within my comfort zone.  It is easy to do more of what I already know.  But if I want to feel alive, I need to make things a little harder for myself.

On my ride this morning, my biggest fear was not that I would be late or that I would forget how to ride, but that I would get stuck in my peddle clips.  I have a tough time getting out of them sometimes.  I practiced on the driveway on my way out, in fact.  Nonetheless, when I had to stop to cross a big patch of ice, I could not get my left foot out, leaned that way, and hit the dirt, literally.  It made me grumpy for a moment, but then I remembered how fortunate I was to be where I was, doing something so amazing.  I took a fall, but I got up and kept going.

That’s the thing.  I can’t be afraid to take a fall.  So I get a little dirty and my ego gets bruised.  So what?  No one but me even had to know it happened.  So often we are afraid to let others know we have made a mistake, and that makes us afraid to take a risk where we might make a mistake.  But I don’t want to sit with friends and tell them how I almost tried something but didn’t.  I want to give them a good story, and often the best stories are ones where we fall down but then get up and keep going and, ultimately, are rewarded.  That is the kind of story I want to tell.

If we take risks enough, we feel comfortable, given some time.  We can get in the groove.  Before long, we can be happy without even knowing why.  If we are lucky, we are happy without even being aware of it.  And if we take the time to pick up our pile of toy cars from the grass, we might even get the chance to try it again.

One More Snowman

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Born at the End of the Day

Born at the End of the Day

At the moment, water drips from the eave onto the deck.  It almost sounds like it is raining.  It is, however, snowing.  It has snowed for much of the day.  It was coming down thickly when I left for work this morning and it was snowing heavily again when I came home.  It comes down now.

The children made a snowman with their mother after I returned from my grueling labors attempting to educate high school students.  “It was the easiest snowman I have ever made,” exclaimed my spouse as she returned from the sculpture project.  Apparently, the snow was perfect for such activity.  The children stayed outside for a while after this.  When I went out in my tall black boots, the wet snow covering my bare head, to gather them for our evening meal, they had started on a “snow wall.”  This was a series of large snowballs, such as the ones one might use to create a snowman, lined up next to the driveway.  Their art knows no bounds.

We may get more snow.  March is fickle that way.  Two days ago we were out enjoying the warm air, a sweater more than enough.  Today we have snow.  Since we still have the majority of the month left, I imagine we will get some spring and some winter before April comes around.  This could be the last snowman, however.  Perfect snow like this doesn’t come around every day, even in March.

Must…Stop…Working…

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I had the day off today.  It’s President’s Day.  I get it off, paid.  Why work on a day like that?  But I did.  Not much, but I did.  I needed to send a bunch of appointment reminders on Friday but I didn’t have time to do it.  So then I should have done it Saturday.  Or Sunday.  And then it was Monday.  I had to get it done this morning.

I sent the reminders by email so of course I noticed, when I opened my email program, that I had a couple of messages that needed immediate responses.  One was from a student who has a looming deadline.  Another was from a parent I should have called on Thursday.  Crap.  So I answered those before sending the messages I needed to send.

I have a series of workshops tomorrow and, due to the aforementioned busy Friday, I did not plan for them completely.  I had to find out exactly when I need to be there and to confirm the agenda.  So that meant more work today.  Not much, but more.  I can’t get away.  That is part of the deal with my job, I guess.  I have a flexible schedule but I often can’t just leave it at the office.  My office is at home.

I did get out and about today.  I was in search of a pot lid.  It is from a Williams Sonoma pot that we got a dozen years ago.  My wife pulled the lid from over some boiling water and dipped it under the faucet flowing with cold water.  It was a glass lid, but it shattered when she did that.  She was distracted.  For a while we just went without a lid but for the past year I have been half-heartedly searching for a replacement.  When I called the company they told me I need to go to a store so someone could look at it.

At the store they told me that no replacements are available.  No lids from current pot designs will fit and they literally cannot get me a lid to an old pot.  They don’t make them, they don’t stock them, they can’t get me one.  No can do.  I was a little dumbstruck.  I asked if this was part of a conspiracy to simply get me to buy a whole new pot.  I got no verbal response to that question.

So I will hunt for one online and elsewhere.  I must be able to find one somewhere.  I know I can find a lid of some kind that fits.  I could get a universal lid that would work in a pinch, but I want another glass one that fits.  My wife promises not to put it under cold water again, unless the lid is already cold.  So my search is on again and I am more determined than ever.  I will show Williams Sonoma that a lid can be found, despite their buy-it-don’t-fix-it policies.

I will start that search right away.  As soon as I fill the bird feeders again.  And wash those dishes.  And close my email program.

Ready to Burst

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Heavenly Beverage

Heavenly Beverage

I drank a lot of coffee this morning.   I whipped up a cappuccino, since I had a little more time this morning than usual (plus it was 0 degrees while we waited for the bus to pick up my daughter; I was chilly).  Then I had another couple of cups of regular coffee.  I mean, it was there.  I didn’t want to waste it just because my wife only had one cup before she left.  That would be irresponsible of me in this bad economy.

Then I drank a bunch of water.  That is important.   Dehydration causes more headaches than stress.  That is a fact.  I want to be healthy, don’t I?  And after all that coffee, which is a diuretic, I had to hydrate.  So I chugged away.  Then I started meeting with students in back to back meetings.  Suddenly a couple of hours had passed.  And I needed to find one of those little rooms with the plumbing.

So I walked over to the faculty room.  I ran into a friend, we’ll call him Chris, who I hadn’t seen in a long time.  We caught up a little.  We chatted.  It was good to see him.  But I still needed that plumbing.  Finally I excused myself and took care of business.

I find myself in this situation more often than I would like.  But at least I have a place to go.  A friend of ours teaches kiteboarding.  She spends literally all day out on the frozen lake with visibility measured in miles.  It is great for business–everyone can see all those people having fun.  But she doesn’t drink coffee.   Or water.  Or anything.  Things are just easier that way.

I made it through the day, of course.  I will face many others like this one.  But what is one to do?  I want to drink coffee (warm, tasty, hearty, comforting), I need to drink water (hello, you can die without water) and I have to work.  I suppose if I were a lumberjack I might match all of these things a little better.  Or a park ranger in a remote place.  But no, I had to switch from outdoor education to indoor boy.

Such is the price of the professional.  I wonder if Chris ever has to deal with this?  I’ll have to ask him next time I see him.

Home With the Kid

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My daughter was up most of the night with a fever and a cough.  I stayed home with her today.  That wasn’t too big a deal, in regard to my other obligations.  I managed to reschedule some meetings and I got some of my tasks completed.  It wasn’t bad spending some time with the kid, however.

We watched Shrek the Third, which my wife had rented on a whim yesterday.  That timing worked out well.  We played out in the snow in the afternoon, when she felt better (my daughter, not my wife), we ate lunch together, I helped her with some word activities that she brought home from school.  It was some quality time.

She doesn’t have a cough anymore.  Her fever is gone.  She fell asleep fast.  She was tuckered after little sleep last night.  She considered taking a nap but just couldn’t fall asleep this afternoon.  Who could blame her?  Think of all the daylight she might miss.  She came with me to pick up her brother and was the helpful sister, carrying all his things for him and greeting him with a grin.  Those two love each other.  I am fortunate there.

Tomorrow she will be fine and I will be back to working a full day, rather than piecing together what I can while tending to a not quite healthy child.  Hopefully the cough will pass me by.  She won’t be taking care of me if I crash.  She’ll be off to school whatever happens to me.  If I get sick I will sit home and try to work but get little done and feel bad about that as well as feel bad physically.  That would pretty much suck.

So no sickness for me.  I’ve got my wolf bane and my vitamin C and my early to bed.  I’m off to work in the morning.

Snowing Like Stink

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I would, of course, be in Milton all day.  Most of the schools in the state were closed but all of Chittenden County was open.  That made sense in the short run, since it was not even snowing when I left this morning.  But whenever I got the chance to peek out of one of the too-few windows at Milton High School, it was snowing.

By early afternoon it was snowing like stink.  Some schools that had not closed for the morning closed early.  That would have been smart.  Driving home was craziness.  Snow was falling hard, visibility was low, there were lots of cars on the road; it was a recipe for smashing.  I made it home, however, with nary a scratch.  I simply had a long drive.

Now, long after I am home, it is still snowing like stink.  Look:

Snowing Like Stink at Night

Snowing Like Stink at Night

The timing of this was all wrong.  Schools were open because it wasn’t snowing in the morning.  They can’t close around here because too many parents complain if they are closed.  But when it was time for buses to carry students home, the roads were about as dangerous as they can get.  Plus, it will likely peter out so we don’t get the bonus snow day tomorrow.

Not that I can afford a snow day.  That would mean more work to make up. But still, I frickin’ love snow days.  If I can swing it, I will take a couple of hours to go skiing tomorrow.  Or not.  But maybe.  We’ll see just how much of the stinky stuff we get.

Hungry

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I went to the dentist today. I had deferred the appointment, to rejigger some loose fillings, twice, so I needed to get there. I got a reminder call yesterday that the appointment I thought would be at 12:50 was for 11:50.

I had a meeting set up that was shorter than I expected, since I had to end sooner than planned to make it to the dentist. That worked out fine. We were done early anyway. I raced to the dentist, risking speeding tickets as I went 35 in a couple of 25 MPH zones. Still, I was several minutes late. Then I had to wait around for a while, first in the waiting room, and then in the chair (where I learned that Novacaine hasn’t been used for about 50 years, that now they use other drugs, like Septacaine, that Novacaine is a brand name that everyone bandies about for various similar numbness drugs, and that Septacaine contains Epinephrine–no wonder I was shaking like a blender).

I had eaten at about 10:00. I left the dentist at about 1:00. I couldn’t feel crap in the left side of my mouth. I literally could have had crap on my face and I would not have known. Luckily, my glance in the mirror revealed not even a bit of shattered filling when all was over. But the numbness meant I couldn’t eat for a while.

The dentist suggested a milkshake. We were almost out of milk. I wouldn’t have enjoyed that anyway. Who wants a milkshake with a numb tongue? I had some cereal at about quarter to five. That was a bad idea. The numbness was mostly gone and soreness had replaced it. Every crunch was uncomfortable, so I let the cereal soak for a while. In the small pool of milk I eked from the jug.

At 5:00 I had to leave for an evening meeting. I didn’t eat much today. I am still hungry. On my drive home the only thing I had with me were a couple of caramels. Given the fresh fillings in my teeth, I figured they would have been a bad choice.

If the pears are ripe, I will go with that. My wife did bring home some milk so maybe the milkshake idea can still work. I will need to wait until the children are fully asleep, however. In our open house, a blender at bed time would be worse than caramels with new fillings.

Or maybe I will just make the chocolate Santa right next to the computer go down. At least that would be a start.

Rough Day

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At 1:00 AM I woke with the thought that I had missed a presentation I was supposed to, well, present, on Saturday.  Sunday night is a bad time to remember such a thing.  Saturday morning would be much better, at least for me.  So I descended the stairs in the dark, checked my calendar and, ouch, I had indeed missed it.

My brain was already spinning, and I hadn’t gotten much sleep, so at that point, forget it.  I read for a while, did a few crossword puzzles, and lay awake cursing myself.  It wouldn’t have been so bad if a whole crew of students and parents were not waiting for me to show up, but they were.  I called the guy with whom I had coordinated things and he was forgiving.  He was more forgiving than me, that’s for sure.

After a while we all went skiing.  I forgot my spouse”s skis.  Great.  One of us can’t take both the children on the ski lift, since they both still need assistance.  So I took our daughter while the other two farted around.  We only took one run before my daughter was tired and cold and wanted to quit.  This was because I had dropped a ski pole from the lift and had to walk uphill to get it. No one helped us out with that.

I went for a run this afternoon.  I had eaten two slices of toast and a muffin.  Oh, I did have a couple crackers.  No sleep and little food.  I was out of energy pretty quickly.  I put in a few miles, and it was beautiful, but I was tuckered and brain wouldn’t shut off.  Too tiring.

Friends are coming for dinner.  I have soup well underway (potato leek) and fresh bread just about ready to hit the oven.  Hopefully that will all work out.  I need something to call good today.  Sheesh.  I’m getting senile a little early.  Those crossword puzzles aren’t doing the trick, but maybe doing them at 2:00 AM doesn’t count.

I am hoping tomorrow offers better luck.  Otherwise, I will need to conclude that something is wrong.  My confidence is taking some blows lately (I forgot a couple of other important meetings earlier this week as well).  It won’t be long now before I turn into a grumpy old man.

Fourteen Below and Thinking About Gardening

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Garden Beds Waiting for Spring

Garden Beds Waiting for Spring

That was the temperature this morning–fourteen degrees below zero. You might say it was chilly. I wimped out on going for a run. I had planned to do so today but I stayed inside, stoked the fire, got some work done and even read a book. So much for training.

I have been thinking about the garden lately. January is the month to plan it out, to figure out what to plant, how much of it to plant, and where to fit everything. The corn can’t go where it went last year, but it can be planted with the squash. I look forward to sitting down with the legal pad and sketching out the garden plan.

Of course, it is way too cold to do anything with the garden at the moment. It sits under the snow, waiting for spring. I am glad we have snow cover. The blueberries and strawberries will fare batter with the insulation. And the snow adds an element of beauty.

The circle I carved out of the lawn for our garden feels like a work of both labor and art. I want to grow food that is fresh and tasty and that I can’t get elsewhere (Striped Zebra tomato anyone?), but I also hope it adds some pastoral artistry. I want it to be beautiful. That takes work and luck and a willingness to let things grow as they need to grow. Seeing what the plants will do with what they have gives me joy.

So I wait it out and dream of warmer weather. I love this cold snap we are having, even though I chickened out of running today. Winter just isn’t satisfying if we don’t have some days below zero. I have seen the mercury rise to six degrees today and now it is back down to four. Once the sun goes down, I am sure it will break through the zero mark again.

Maybe some of those cucumber beetles will take a hit from the cold. I won’t count on it, but since I am imaging a perfect garden, I might as well dream that too.

Inside All Day

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Left the house at 8:00.

It is almost 8:00 again and I have yet to get home.

Long day.

I am out the door as soon as I shut this little black book type computer thing.

Said goodnight to the kids via telephone.

January is a long month.

At least tomorrow I get to head to town for a couple of hours for some surprises for my spouse’s birthday.

I have gone outside today only to walk across parking lots.

That ain’t right.

Consider my time card punched.